**Breaking News**

Straight from the AP:

Congress has now officially passed a bill banning Hersey's chocolate from being sold in the United States. The bill brought before Congress by presidential hopeful Senator Hilary Clinton states that Hersey's chocolate is the leading cause of obesity in women ages 25-45.

Chocolate, known to be an aphrodisiac, has been used by women to cure work stress, man-problems, depression, menstrual pains and any other situation that causes them grief for years. The Senator admittedly confessed to eating chocolate during the late 90's following rumors of an extramarital affair of husband President Bill Clinton with chocoholic intern Monica Lewinsky. The Senator stated that during that time, that perhaps she needed to become more of a chocoholic to help ease marital pains and be more attractive to her husband. With this, Senator Clinton gained weight, had an increase in the number of pimples and was actively rejected by the media. With this extra turmoil in her life, the Senator began investigating the loved U.S. chocolate manufacture as to why this little chocolate bar had done so much damage to her. She began by ordering chocolate from other areas of the World, mainly Europe, to compare these sweet treats.

What she found is the basis for the new legislative law. Hersey's contains very little chocolate in it at all. It is full of "extra crap" not needed to make a quality chocolate bar when compared to other European manufactures. The extra ingredients have all been proven to have negative health effects. The biggest culprit is the Hersey's Kiss treat. These little morsels, grabbed by the handful in regular womens group therapy sessions do more damage than good. With the little amount of chocolate contained in each Kiss, the satisfying action that comes from chocolate is diminished significantly, requiring you to eat more. Thus increasing the daily calorie intake significantly.

This reporter consulted the on-staff chocolate expert only to be known as "RTB" who informed me that Europeans have know this for years. In fact the first time that RTB tried a Kiss she nearly gagged at the repugnant rteat and had to drink 5 pints of Guinness to get the taste out of her mouth. Her only comment was "I can't believe American people like these, they're disgusting!"

In closing the Senators plan of action is to increase the amount of quality imported chocolate in to the U.S. to provide the women of the U.S. with a chocolate source that can help with the fore mentioned issues.